Fear is an Illusion

Apparently we are in Uranus Retrograde right now. I have never been into astrology much mostly in regards to the personal assessments, but whenever there is a retrograde, I cannot help but notice how spot on the energy said to come with the retrograde is. With this retrograde, the energy brings clarity, and logic. A chance to look over the changes we’ve made since the start of the year and make even more improvement. This time is asking us to give up people, beliefs, and material possessions that no longer serve us.

The retrograde started on August 15. On August 16th I started to feel the veil of fantasy lift. The last few months have been weird for me. Lots of difficulty surrounding what is reality and what my emotions are telling me. After talking to a friend, he shared his perspective of my struggles and shared that he thinks I’m creating this reality out of fear. Spent some time with it, and he was right. All at once, it all clicked in my head, and like a switch my whole reality shifted. With the shift, came so much clarity and a scissor to any remaining emotional ties to people who are definitely not good for me. Then a few days later, I was talking with someone else and he mentioned something he heard once that went “Physicalization and visualization create belief, and belief creates reality.” Woah. SO much more clarity hit in that moment. I found myself finding answers to why my fears allowed me to create a reality in such a way. I have spent some time going back over the thoughts I was having to create this fear based reality, and lets just say I am kind of blown away by the human mind. THEN a few days later I was listening to the acoustic version of this song, and in the beginning there are a few people sharing simple ideas about mental health and the mind and one person says “fear is an illusion.” Ok universe, I get it. I really do. I feel totally mind fucked. And I did it to myself. What the hell?

In my process, I found myself asking how can I avoid this in the future. It’s an answer I have always known. TRUST MY INSTINCT. I ignore it so much. I ignore it because fear. I have done it time and time again. I have a permanent injury because I didn’t listen to my instinct. I have an unsettled divorce after 5 years of separation because, guess what, I didn’t listen to my instinct. I know, my life would be so different if I did…but how? Would it be bad? It’s been hard for sure, but I am so grateful to be where I am and so blessed to know people who want to see me and share a life with me. Whether they live 3000 miles away, or here in the same city. I had to not listen so I could learn to listen. Time has her own rules. Everything in its right place.


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Trauma Response

The last month or so, out of nowhere, I found myself feeling very regressed in my growth and mental health. It was like I had time traveled to a frame of mind before I “did the work.” It was confusing

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