I have been working on this post for a few weeks now. Finished it up this AM and took this photo amidst me feeling all the times I have felt used by other people. Feeling all the times I haven’t felt considered, or appreciated and respected. It’s been happening less and less, but lately when it has happened, it’s from people who I least expect. People who I have looked up to and respected. Peoples who’s advice I heard and listened to. People who I love with all of my heart. No matter how I approach my hurt feelings with others, it always ends up where I am in the wrong. I didn’t say things at the right time or through the proper means. Try thousands of different ways of addressing my feelings, and I get the same response. Every single time. That I am given so much mercy, compassion and understanding. I am crossing boundaries. I’m being unacceptable. I am crying for help. No one in their life has ever acted this way. Mind you, this only ever comes up in situations where I am helping someone and feeling taken advantage of. I have been seeing my therapist for 2 years and have come MANY TIMES to him with upset, offended feelings where I feel like I’m not being considered. It always is received well. it But in my real life, no way will that ever happen. Beginning to think that people don’t generally confront these issues with loved ones, so when I come along and say otherwise, they loose their whits because they have lived in a bubble of people who don’t say how they really feel. It’s garbage. I am not the wrong person in all this. I can’t be. I just want to be considered. I want my feelings to matter. So, now, because I spoke up about how I feel, I am back to square one. Finding a community that accepts me.
I’m tired of all the grief from mourning the lack of love in my life.