It’s no coincidence that I have been tossing the idea around about sharing more openly about my trauma while all the news and media is ladened with “Me too’s.” Yeah, sadly, me too. And you know what, it fucking blows. It fucking hurts. It fucking drains me. What’s worse is I silently deal. I’ll talk about it here and there, but when I do, I am so disconnected from it. But when I go home and think about it, I’m flooded with all the raw emotions that feel to heavy to deal with all alone. How did we get to this point? How did women feel like they couldn’t share and be open about their experience... ESPECIALLY with other women. Where did we as women become so disconnected from one another that we couldn’t even support each other in the biggest way we all need it. We all deal with it DAILY in some form or another. And for most of us, it never gets easier. I for one HAVE NEVER gotten used to it. In fact each time I find myself in a position where my body or sexuality is threatened, it just gets stacked up on top of the last encounter, building up a wall of hate towards men. I don’t want to hate them. I like men. But I literally don’t know how to stop building up this wall. Every interaction forces me to build bigger, thicker bricks... I can almost not hear anything anymore, leaving me with just my thoughts. Thoughts that cycle through telling me this happened to me so that I wouldn’t have a family and a love life..because I don’t deserve it and the awful human that did this to me saw it and knew it and made sure I wouldn’t as if it was his job. I feel so heavy thinking about all the other women who more than likely feel the way I do. How is this happening? I want to scream.
