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I'm pretty sure I'm doomed to never have a solid connection with anyone. Which sucks, because I don't think I have ever been so desperate for something. Why is love so hard to give!? Here I am with this question again. All my relationships since my mid twenties have a two year stint. When they end and I'm left evaluating everything only to be left feeling like the relationship was one sided. "If people don't need me, they won't want me." Here I am again realizing how I build my relationship to fail because of that thought. It never feels like that's what I am doing though. It just feels like I am being a good friend who is there when they need support in any way. Also, it's what you do so when you need support you have it. Somehow that logic doesn't apply to my life. Or maybe it's not logic and just crazy Jennifer talk. Either way, I'm tired of it all. I'm tired of feeling like my vulnerability isn't being met. I'm tired of longing for someone to have a real connection with, shit even a meal would be cool. Why did do this to myself? How did I end up so alone?

"Dauðalogn" Sigur Rós

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Trauma Response

The last month or so, out of nowhere, I found myself feeling very regressed in my growth and mental health. It was like I had time traveled to a frame of mind before I “did the work.” It was confusing

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