Since I started therapy, I realize how often I fake stepping out of my comfort zone. How often I thought I was putting everything on the line when I really wasn’t.
Putting yourself in a new situation that has some familiarity isn’t really stepping outside your comfort zone. We get really good at pretending to be honest, pretending to be adventurous, pretending to be vulnerable. We do it in ways that still have familiarity and comfort. We say really honest things that we don’t care if people know or judge. We go to new places knowing we’ll find the same kind of crowd. While these things are baby steps, we really aren’t pushing our edges. Now imagine pushing edges of your emotions. Your trust with someone. The amount of pride you put aside. These edges are important. They create more space for growth with yourself and the people you connect with.
Well, this week I was giving a choice. I could fall back into my old patterns, or just trust and put my heart out there. So I put all of my pride aside and experienced a very new feeling. I was finally able to feel the kiss of a loved one my therapist told me I wouldn’t feel until I took my mask off. For the first time I could really feel this connection I had been longing for my entire life, all because I decided to show this person my desperate, and raw self. I swear I could literally feel my heart grow in my chest.
Isn’t it crazy how the things we implement into our lives as children to protect us, only end up hurting us when we are older?
“The Night is When You Can Not See" Castanets