Grief. Not just the feeling you feel after someone dies, but the feeling you feel after realizing any loss. This has been a regular feeling for me lately. Finally letting all the loss of love, connection, and worthiness sink in. All the loss I experienced through trauma, an unhealthy marriage, and broken family. Finally recognizing all the pain I carry physically and emotionally. How one affects the other and vice versa making me feel in a perpetual state. My once thick skin is now so thin it feels the cold of society through the walls of my warm home. How do I move through this grief if every day my heart breaks? How do I live a happy life beyond my own trauma knowing full well there are thousands of others who will experience trauma. When will it stop? This question leads to my deepest feelings of grief ever. I really don’t see the point to all this suffering anymore. I used to, but now it just seems like a cruel joke. Been trying to give meaning to my life, not like I deserved any of the bad stuff, but what did all that happen to me for? Who did those experiences mold me into and for what reasons? So many questions. So much confusion. So much grief.
”One Type of Dark” Ginger and the Ghost