A few weeks ago I went into Modells to grab some workout stuff. As I was entering the store, this 25-30 year old guy was coming in behind me. I held the first door open, and the second. He said “thanks.” I followed with “no problem” and headed to the women section. A few minuets later, I see dude lurking around and sort of “following” me. So now I’m watching him. A few minuets later he walks up to me and asks if I am alone. Of course I said no, and that my boyfriend (that I don’t have) is next door grabbing dinner. Dude walked away, however, he still continued to lurk. I found what I was looking for, checked out, and asked the guy to make sure I make it to my car quickly explaining to him why (at the point the guy was like 30 feet from us pretending to be shopping).
When I got home, I could barely make it in the door. The anxiety I felt from that situation was intense and only fueled my already present PTSD symptoms. Every fucking time I go outside I deal with some form of this. Thankfully not always as threatening, but still not ok.
Me saying no SHOULD BE ENOUGH, but I felt I had to lie. Even when I am in “safe” places surrounded by friends and their friends…I still deal with it. First dates, guys want to already have sex. Guy friends get carried away at some point in our friendship and touch me or say inappropriate things. They make rape jokes, and then call me a prude.Why? Because I don’t want to have sex, let them touch me or listen to their disgusting rapes jokes. Fuck every single person who has ever called me a prude like its a bad thing.
This shit has got-to-stop.
This is my body. My beautiful body. It’s not yours to touch. It’s not yours to make inappropriate jokes about, It’s not yours after our 1st date (or our 100th). It’s not yours when I am wearing clothing that shows some skin. It’s not yours when I am passed out. It’s not yours when I am in the store shopping. It’s not yours when I am at the bar. It’s.not.yours. IT’S MINE. It’s mine, and I will wear nothing if I want to because I am beautiful and not your sexual object. I will be proud of my womanly figure that I have kept hidden out of fear of attracting shitheads like you. I will cover it in tattoos if i want to. Cut off all my hair if I want to. Pierce everything if I want. Why? Because this body is mine, and NOT YOURS.
“Sun in My Mouth” Bjork