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Say Yes

I have decided to start saying yes to any outing that sounds like something I want to do. Not going to miss another show, or party, or hike, or photo walk, or doggie play date, or whatever it may be. I have decided that my whirlwind of negative thoughts aren't going to keep me from somehow moving passed them. That I just have to face my fears, and deal with my insecurities. So yesterday I did the first thing I had to force myself to say "yes" to. On the way there I was so nervous I almost couldn't breath. Palms were sweaty. I literally felt sick. I didn't know a single soul beyond their names, and it frightened the shit out me. Kept reminding myself to breath Jennifer. Just breath. Then I'd throw in the "Geeze, you are being such a puss right now" or "who the fuck are you anymore?" Then I have to remind myself and say "I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you." I am so good at beating myself up. It is just that I have been better than this. I have been stronger than this. Ugh. It's easy to feel frustrated with whomever this person is. Just feeling that frustration makes me feel overwhelmed. Which causes me to go back into that vicious cycle. But I am still here. I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. (I really can't repeat that enough to myself)

"Problem Child" Russ

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