Struggle central. Holy moly. I feel absolutely insane these days. My head hasn’t stopped spinning. I know I need to fight my negative thoughts and feelings with positive ones, but damn that’s hard. Worse is, I think I was doing pretty damn good up until a few months ago. Before I learned “I am sorry, please forgive me. Thank you. I love you” my wake up alarms were self deprecating, and they were supposed to motivate me! Crazy. Today I went to make new labels for my alarms (something I do every month or so) and started in with the self deprecation again. I realized it, and then tried to show myself some compassion and changed the labels to something more positive. What a process this is. It’s just so much. What’s worse is my protector keeps coming down in these situations that are just not the time and place. I end up crying way too much and not being able to continue whatever it is I am doing. It’s happened 3 times in the last few weeks and I haven’t been able to show myself compassion. Really putting to the test my practice of self love and self compassion and I am not doing so well. I fucking thought I had this shit.
”Ny Batteri” Sigur Ros